Gone Away
by ChrissyBellaDiva
Summary: New Moon times,Edward left and Bella was changed,but Bella died,she fell away and hatred brew up and boiled in her mind,hate for Edward of what he did to her,that he left her.She hated him so much.What happens when they meet again though?Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**New Moon times,Edward left and Bella was changed,but Bella died,she fell away and hatred brew up and boiled in her mind,hate for Edward of what he did to her,that he left hated him so happens when they meet again though?Read to find out.**

**(Warning:Editing Chapters!)**

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I was flying threw the air, okay I wasn't flying I was running, really really fast. I am the fastest of us after all.

We were looking for our next meal, we choose to eat animals here 'cause it was a small town and people would probably be noticed if someone went missing.

I saw a deer and threw myself at it.

"I didn't know you were so hungry!" Nick yelled to me.

I ignored him, I was eating, I hated it when he spoke while I ate.

I was finished with the deer in fifty six seconds. I ran next to Nick and rammed him into a tree, he was knocked off balance and fell backwards, I kept running an evil smile on my lips.

I ran at another deer but was shoved forward into the mud.

"What the hell was that for you ass hole?!" I screamed at Nick.

"You shoved me into a tree I thought this was only fair." He replied with a smile.

I lunged at him with anger and malice on my face. I hated when he acted so stupid and didn't try keeping away from the stuff that annoyed the hell out of me.

I threw him onto the ground and started punching him in the face, he threw me off of him and tackled me into a tree, it snapped and we rolled down a hill, still punching each other as we went tumbling down. I landed on top of him when we stopped and punched him full force in the gut. He huffed out at the blow but kick me in my stomach. I was launched fifty feet back and hit right on a boulder. My back hurt a little but not enough that I still couldn't be Nick's worthless ass.

He appeared in front of me in an instant with a smug look on his face. I punched him into another boulder and he fell back from it onto the forest floor. I started kicking him in ever place I could get my boots at.

"Awww you two love birds look so adorable." Lezzie squealed.

I turned my face to look at her, still kicking Nick, and growled and sent her such cold stares that would burn her alive **(The shear coldness would burn)**.

She gave a fake hurt look. Ryan appeared by her side making kissing noises.

"You want me to skin you both?" I asked them acid flowing from my mouth.

"Oh please you know you wouldn't be able to do remember?"Lezzie said giggling like I was mental.

"Well I could probably do that, and much wor-"I was cut off by the swift motion of Nick grabbing my leg and pushing me down on the ground. I tried pushing him off me but he held me down with allot of strength.

"Get off me!" I yelled at him, shoving under him.

He looked at me and held my face with one hand, but still holding me down, he looked at me fully in my eyes.

"Don't you dar-"I only got some out before his lips went down on mine.

He kissed me hungrily and fully, I kissed him back, my tongue tracing his lips.

"Ewww! Knock it off please!" Yelled Lezzie. But my lips didn't part from Nicks.

"Lets just leave them, shall we my beauty?" Ryan asked Lezzie seductively.

She giggled and ran in the direction of our house I take it.

Nick and I kept kissing on the cold, damp, mossy forest floor, well we started doing more than kissing if you know what I mean.

"Your beautiful when you mad babe." Nick said.

I snorted at his comment and started getting dressed.

"You know Essy, its not healthily for you to be so hostile all the time." Nick said when were we getting ready to start running back home.

I rolled my eyes and kissed him on the cheek. Its completely healthy.

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**Hope you like it more to come.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heres the next chapter,hope you like it.**

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"Gosh I swear you two are like rabbits!" Lezzie yelled when me and Nick came through the door.

I looked over at Lezzie and Ryan and they were on the couch with, Lezzie on top of Ryan, the only thing covering them was a blanket. Only a blanket. They weren't wearing anything else!

"Look whos talking! At least have the decency to do it on your own bed, and not be exposed to us when we come right through the door!" I yelled at her.

They just rolled their eyes at me.

"Do you realize that were going to have to buy a new couch?!" I yelled at them.

They just started kissing and going back to what they were doing before we got here.

I was pissed, didn't they hear what I said?! Didn't they have the common sense to stop?!

My thoughts calmed a bit, but barley, when Nick picked me up in his arms and brought us to our room and threw me on the bed and plopped right down right next to me.

"Whats wrong?" He asked me.

"What do you mean?" I asked back.

"Your acting mad."

"This is my usual behavior!"

"I know _that_. But I mean that you should try getting over what happened to you in your human life. I bet you'd be a lot happier now." He said smiling at me.

I looked at him with fire in my eyes. "You know what happened, and I am over it! It doesn't even matter anymore! Its out of my head!"

And it really was! They all think that because of my past I'm angry, maybe so but still, and that I can't get over it. I'm not a weak! When will they see that? I don't need to sulk about something that happened a couple of years ago when those other vampires left me, I don't care! So that one said he didn't want me anymore, I don't care! So what because of him I turned into this angry bitter person, I don't care!

I honestly have been able to get over everything. I realized that he left for my 'own good', but he doesn't get to decide whats best for me, not anymore and not ever!

I hate him! I completely hate him! There is nothing in me that has any love of caring for him. Right now hes nothing at all to me but a speck on my memory that was full of complete and utter hate.

I ran threw the forest three months after they left. I slipped and fell down a slippery slope **(No Series Of Unfortunate Event connection)**, and I bashed my head on a stone and bled out everywhere. I was conchies but only half, I didn't really feel the pain, thank goodness, and I herd someone come towards my body.

I felt this sharp pain in my neck and the pain leaving for a tiny mila second before the fire burned threw my body was horrible and I squirmed and whithered, then I felt like I was being picked up and then I felt wind all around me. I wasn't able to realize what was happening to me, the fire was running threw to painfully. I wanted it to go away and to stop.

But it didn't, not for three days. When I woke up I was on a bed in a house I had never been in.

"Hi" Said a voice next to me.

I looked and saw a girl that looked the same age as me kneeling down and the side of the bed looking at me.

She had blond hair but had light brown streaks everywhere in it, it wasn't dirty blond her hair was to different and beautiful to give it that name, it was a strange color but it looked good on face which was a great shape and she had high cheek. She was wearing a red and orange basketball jersey but the bottom was cut so it showed her belly button, she had on a mini jean skirt and black high heels. Her eyes were a cross between red and gold, it was both colors in her eyes but they were mixed together and had a few sprinkles of blue.

I just looked at her a little scared but I didn't let it show on my face.

"I changed you, your a vampire now." She said to voice was a little playful and a little girlish and high**(Like the girl Hilary on KyleXY for those of you who have seen it)**.

I just looked at her.

She laughed. "I'm Eliza but _please _call me Lezzie."She said smiling.

"Um...I'm Isabella..."I told her trailing off, I wasn't sure what I wanted to be called anymore.

"Ooo ooo let me guess! You seem like a... Bella, but you don't want to go by that! You'll go by...Essy!" She said a huge grin on her face.

I thought about that and I liked that name."Yeah... are you physic?" I asked frightened that it might be a little to much if she was.

"No silly!" She laughed. "I'm just good with names."

"Ummm, where are we?" I asked.

"Portland." She said with a smile.

"You carried me all the way?" I asked shocked.

"Yep."

"Wow."

"Thanks."

I was skeptical of her at first but then we started talking and she was really nice, a little ditzy, but she was really a great friend. She was change when she was eighteen and has been a vampire for sixty eight year. She eats humans and animal, thats why her eyes were like. She said that she ate like that because it gave beauty to her eyes and had flecks of her old eye color, thus the blue.

But soon she asked me what happened, how I was where I was. I told her everything, I just had a feeling I could trust her. I was talking about it and I got madder and madder. She saw what was happening but she never left my side, she stayed even when she saw the hate grow in me but she didn't leave, she just brushed it away like she always does when I yell at her.

We were together for fifteen years when we came across Nick.

We were in Colorado at the time, we were living there for three years and getting ready to leave when we went hunting and found him.

He was hunting when his gun backfired, we saw him on the ground and I changed him.

He was nineteen and was about to go to collage when he went on this trip. He didn't make a fuss about it at all, he was fine with being a vampire.

He had messy dark brown hair, a beautiful face, it was completely perfect, his face looked like it was carved out of stone, when he smiled it made my heart beat faster, well it couldn't beat but if it could it would have jump out of my body. His body looked amazing, it was toned and he had the right amount of muscle build, not to many muscles but just enough, not to bulgy but just enough.

He could make anyone see illusions, not matter who it was, he kept doing it to Lezzie and made her mad as hell.

He tried it on me sometimes but I would never let him do anything to freak me out, I could control anyone's powers I could block them completely or bring them up to a high power.

He was the only one who could really calm me down, whenever I was really really mad he would just look at me and tell me to breath and I would be able to feel a little better.

We were getting closer and closer in our relationship.

He asked me to marry him.

I said yes.

We were living in Delaware when we found Ryan.

Someone had beaten him up really badly and left him there. Lezzie changed him herself and brought him to our house.

He had blond hair and a bit of a chubby face, his body was like Nick's but Ryan had more muscles.

When he woke up he sort of forgot his past life, we figured it was because it was bad and he was repressing his old memories so we didn't linger on it.

He didn't have any powers like he was really smart and all in all he was a great big was twenty and older than all of us in the age sense not the alive sense that is.

Him and Lezzie snuggled up to each other pretty fast. They got married ten months after they met.

And so here we all are in South Dakota getting ready to move again.

We were going back to Forks. They all knew my past history but they thought that after all the years that went by it was enough. Were going to leave in a week.

"Well I'm glad you've moved on." Nick said to me still smiling.

"I am too." I said smiling back.

"There it is, that wonderful smile. I love you." I rolled my eyes at him.

"I love you too." I kissed him and then we did the only thing that we could on the bed.

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**Hope you enjoyed,more to come.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Heres the next chapter,hope you enjoy.**

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We were settling in at a nice house that was shoved deep into the forest.

It was completely white and looked like it was made from those long building blocks, without the bricks in place, and most of the corners of the house were made of glass so we had a whole lot of windows. It was a three story house and it had seven bedrooms, eight bathrooms, and basically two of every other room, had a ten car garage but we would probably add it on more when we needed to.

Nick and I got the room at the top of and in the middle of the house with the best view and we had a wide skylight above our bed.

And Ryan and Lezzie got the room on the second floor all the way to the left, it was closed off and had thick walls.

I was dreading having to go back to Forks High.

They all kept telling me everything would be fine and nothing would happen, but I had a bad feeling.

I think half that bad feeling was because Lezzie wanted to leave the house in a G string, tassels and a trench coat. I got her to change into a white mini skirt that flowed out at the bottom and a red and white striped collar short sleeved shirt and red pumps.

I as wearing old faded blue holey, naturally holey because I wore them so much, jeans a dark blue shirt where the sleeves hung off my shoulders and baby blue Sketchers that were very old. I like wearing old stuff.

"Babe everything will be fine you need to stop thinking the worst about everything." Nick said to me as we were in his car, a black 2008 Audi TT, and he was trying to soothe me. It didn't work.

"Gosh knock it off it, I can freak out if I want to. I have that right!" I yelled

I heard a sound that sounded like a plunger sucking from a drain.

"She's right." Lezzie said out of breath.

"No one was talking to you, ya know." Nick said glaring at her from his mirror.

"Listen to Lezzie I can worry if I want, gosh."I said exasperated.

"Oh please tell me that that was recorded! Essy just said 'listen to Lezzie'. We need to put this on a calender." Ryan said with faux amazement.

"Shut up Ryan." Lezzie said playfully hitting him on his shoulder before she glued her mouth to his.

I rolled my eyes at them.

I really did not want to go in there, I thought as Nick parked the car in the parking lot.

I got out of the car completely reluctant.

Nick grabbed my hand and kissed it softly.

"You know thats not going to help any." I said with a smile creeping its way up on my face.

"You know it is." He said kissing his way up my arm and to my neck which made my laugh.

I pulled myself away from him and yelled "I hate it when you do that! You know I don't like to be forced to laugh!" I still had a smile on my face though.

"I know you don't, but you hate being forced to do anything." He said pulling me to him.

"Knock it off!" I yelled still smiling.

"To bad babe." He said pulling me closer and kissing me.

"Ewww" Ryan and Lezzie chorused behind us.

"What the hell were you doing the back of the damn car?!" I yelled at them pulling away from Nick.

"Your doing it again." Nick said. I shot him a death glare and he smiled but didn't say anything more.

When went into the office to get our schedules a woman at the desk had shoulder length red hair and looked maybe twenty or twenty, she looked stunned to see us.

"Um...Wh-what can I do for you?" She said looking at Ryan and Nick.

"We're new here, can we get our schedules, the Larcens." Ryan said barley paying attention to her.

"Um... yeah one sec." It took her five to pull her eyes away from Ryan and Nick, but came back quickly with our schedules.

"Here you go." She said still staring.

"Thanks." We all said in unison and walked out.

"You know that was really funny." Lezzie said laughing.

"It took me so much not to burst out really." Nick said.

"Did you see her looking at us?!" Ryan said.

"Happens to much to laugh at I think." I said with a smile.

They all looked at me and rolled their eyes.

We all had our classes, we only had to split up for gym but that was me and Lezzie and Nick and Ryan, so we were still always together.

Me and Nick headed off to out first class.

The day was so dull I had already been threw high school thirty eight times and collage twelve times.

I saw Lezzie and Ryan once in the halls and Lezzie said there was another coven here. I automatically got pissed. What if it was them?

"Breath Essy, breath." Nick said with worry, he could tell how pissed I was.

"Come on we'll be late babe." He said dragging me to our next class.

When the bell rang I got up and went to the hall but before I got any farther Nick stopped me.

"What?" I asked unfazed.

"You know its them then... just try and stay calm fine now you have a great life, and people who love you and put up with all your bullshit." He said smiling.

He knew I loved it when he insulted me, it made me feel like he saw me in a high light."Yeah yeah, It's just I'm so pissed." I said my anger rising.

Nick pulled me into a tight hug and then looked directly in my eyes. "Just try and ignore some of the hate and anger thats in you right now. It really isn't safe for someone like you to carry so much hate. If it is them you will just stay calm and act like nothing is wrong,okay?" His voice held so much authority in it like he was commanding me, but the whole time his eyes were saying 'I love you and try and stay calm and don't go and kill someone just know that I love you so much'.

"Where did this authority come from?" I asked him my eyes blazing.

"I honestly have no idea." He said laughing.

"Well...I liked it... you should have it more often please." I said reaching up to kiss him.

"Okay then." He said against my lips.

Then I felt myself being lifted up and pulled into started walking toward the cafeteria, not breaking the kiss.

Before I knew it he was sitting down with me still in his arms, he was still kissing me and I didn't want to pull away, I loved him so much that I didn't want to move one inch from his body.

"Stop it right now! Someone from the coven is coming over." Lezzie hissed at us.

I pulled apart from him but looked in his eyes for a short mila second and whispered "I love you"

"I love you too" He said back he kissed the ring on my left hand and I rubbed his.

Having Nick say that he loved me calmed me a bit but my anger wave still came I turned my head to see who was walking toward our table.

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**Hope you enjoyed,more to come.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Heres the next chapter,hope you enjoy**

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It wasn't a dream and it wasn't a hallucination.

It was the real Alice Cullen walking toward us right now.

I kept holding onto Nick's hand and didn't get off his lap.

Alice looked shocked at what she was seeing. Me, really me.

She walked right up to me and said "Bella is that really you?"

I shot daggers at her and said "No. That girl with that name is dead."

She flinched back at how harsh my voice was.

"Um... could we talk?" She said with a small amount of hope in her eyes.

"No" I said plain simple and harsh.

Then the bell rang and we all got up and went to our next classes.

I had my next one with Nick so that was helpful.

He kept holding my hand the whole way. He knew I wasn't sad or depressed, just really really pist off.

I got even more pissed when we both had to separate for gym. I kissed him for a really long time and Lezzie had to drag me out by my hair.

"What the hell was that for?!" I yelled at her as we walked toward the dressing rooms.

"You we probably gonna stay there for the rest of the year if I didn't do that." She said with a smile.

I didn't say anything to her till we were done changing and in the gym, the teacher said we had to run laps so thats when I decided to speak.

"I have all the right to do whatever I want with my husband and we can do whatever that is wherever we want makes me feel better, well less pissed." I said glaring.

Were we running and the only ones who were able to catch up to us were Alice and Rosalie.

And they're faces were shocked, probably because they heard me say I was pist at them. It doesn't matter what they think any more.

"Yeah well you could just calm down more often instead of being so hostile." She said smiling.

"I am not hostile!" I said pissed.

"Well you should get over it then." She said perfectly bright and happy.

I just got really pissed and launched myself at her.

But a mila second before I did she muttered "Oh great not again."

I pummeled her onto the ground, me on top of her, and punched her in the face. She kicked me in the stomach and threw me off, then got on top of me and threw punches and me. I grabbed her head and put her in a headlock.

"That doesn't do much." She laughed.

I growled and threw my elbow into her temple.

"No but I bet that is." I said.

It took that long for Rosalie and Alice to pull us apart.

But I just shoved out of Alice's grip and threw myself at Lezzie. I grabbed her around the neck and brought Rosalie down with us.

Lezzie rolled over and accidentally threw a punch at Rosalie.

Rosalie's face burned with anger. She threw herself at Lezzie and pulled her out of my grip and took her into her own.

I was tried to pull us apart and then she took Lezzie away, and started beating her. She's my family, and you don't touch my family.

I lunged at Rosalie and punched the back of her head.

Alice gasped behind me but I didn't stop, I pulled Rosalie off Lezzie and started hitting her.

Alice ran over to pull me off but Lezzie ran at Alice to stop her from getting to me.

The four of us were in a huge fight and no one dared touch us, well except for the only four that could.

I felt myself being pulled off of Rosalie and Rosalie being taken away from my grasp.

Nick had pulled me off her and whisper "Don't fight me, we can't in public."

So I just struggled against him and didn't throw myself at him like I would have.

Rosalie was trying to get out of Emmett's grip and trying to get at me again.

Lezzie and Alice were just glaring at each other while Jasper and Ryan held them still, not trusting to let them go in case they tried to fly at each other again.

My eyes met with Lezzie's for a second and she started laughing, I just rolled my eyes and grinned, the guys just smiled and shook their heads.

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett looked at us like we were crazy.

The gym teacher came up and started yelling at us telling the eight of us to go to the principals office.

When we were out of site of the people Nick picked me up and threw me in the air.

I screamed and yelled "What?!"

"Who won you or Lezzie?" He asked

"I did." We both said at the same time.

We looked at each other and scowled then smiled.

When we were outside the office Nick put me down and kissed my forehead.

"To our doom shall the unladie like people first." Ryan said as opened the door earning hits in his head by me Lezzie Alice and Rosalie.

He 'humphed' and the guys follow in.

The principal told us that me Lezzie Rosalie and Alice had detention all week and that it was great that the guys were there to pull us off each other or who knows what would have happened.

What would have happened was, with my anger, I would have kept fighting till I ended up breaking someone or ripping someone to shreds.

He told us to go out of the office and me and Lezzie ran out and started bursting out laughing.

"Did...you hear...what he...said...!"Lezzie got out between laughs.

"'You could have...hurt...yourself or...someone else...were...lucky no one...had to call the...paramedics!'" I quoted hysterically.

"Gosh you two are idiots." Nick said when he saw us on the ground laughing.

"Really, I don't seem why bother with the two of you in the first place." Ryan said fake disappointment on his face.

We stopped laughing right when he said that.

I punched up and sat on my knees. "Oh really?" I said fake pouting.

I moved over in front of Lezzie."I guess thats fine now."

"Really I think so too." Lezzie said putting her arms around my neck.

We leaned into each other and our lips were about to touch when we were pulled from each other.

I looked up and Nick pulled me up and looked me right in the eyes.

"I never said that, Ryan did. No one can have you but me." He said.

I looked at him, my eyes blazing with what he was telling me what to do, a very big turn on.

I opened my mouth to say something but he pulled me close and was kissing me.

We stayed like that for a few moments before Lezzie said "Wow I didn't know we had an audience."

I pulled myself from Nick and looked around. The Cullens were staring eyes wide and a few of their mouths were hanging open a bit.

I looked over at Edward and he looked devastated and eyes looked so awful like he had no life in him.

But I didn't care. He left me, he choose to take me out of his life.

All my anger came back to me. I turned away and started walking, my family behind me.

"Bella wait!" Edward called.

I didn't turn around.

He grabbed my arm. I knew Nick was going to throw him back but I beat him to it.

There wasn't anyone around so I didn't have to be to careful.

I grabbed his arm and held it down then took his throat with my other and shoved him against the wall.

I did all of this expressionless, with nothing but hate in my body.

"Bella is dead." I said in a horrifyingly deathly whisper.

I dropped him too the floor not looking at him and walked away.

My family must have been a little stunned too because they took a second to start walking behind me.

I knew that Edward and the other Cullens were completely shocked and horrified by the way I acted, because I heard no movement or sound from them.

Nick grabbed my left hand but didn't look at me, he knew me so well. He didn't talk as we walked to the car either.

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**Hope you enjoyed,more to come.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Heres the next chapter,hope you enjoy.**

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When we got into the car is when they started talking.

"That was the coolest thing I have ever seen..."

"I can't believe you did that! They way they all looked was..."

"Are you alright? I know it took allot out of you not to kill them or..."

I didn't listen to them, I was to busy trying to calm down. I almost lost control of my power. I don't think it would have been good either.

Nick would have made everyone be scared out of their minds or made everything look like it was on fire. Jasper would have probably thrown my emotions to everyone in a fifty mile radius, and they probably would have rioted.

But that didn't happen so I don't need to dwell on it anymore.

I tried not to think of much but then I felt so hungry. I needed to eat something, it didn't matter who or what I just needed to.

The car stopped and I noticed that we were home already.

"I need to eat." I told them sternly.

"What though?" Nick said smiling but his eyes held concern.

"It doesn't matter I just really need to eat right now." I growled.

"Hmmm... Lets try animal and then take a human after." Lezzie said really thinking about it.

"Fine." I said and started running.

I ran allot faster than I had before and lunged at the first animal I saw. I drank it all in seconds.

"Breath Essy." Nick said running beside me.

I saw a deer and threw myself at it. I thrashed at it so much that some blood got on my face.

Before I could run again Nick took my arm. "Stop it Essy." He growled looking angrily at me, but his eyes still had the same look in them.

Fire burned in my eyes, I was eating and he stopped me. I snarled at him.

"You've got blood on yourself. Your never that messy, seeing them effected you, and you know it." He said softly.

I wanted to deny it but it was the truth, seeing them added to my anger, the hate I felt burned in me and it hurt horribly. I felt it burn at my insides and cut like thousands of sharp tiny knives at at my insides.

I collapsed on the ground and started dry sobbing. "It hu-hurts...s-s-s-so badly Nick."

He held my close to him and tried soothing me. "It'll be okay baby, breath just breath."

He kissed the top of my head and then I saw a beautiful light and roses falling. It was only me and the sky, which was a wonderful baby pink mixed with a baby blue. Roses just kept falling down from the sky.

I partly knew what was happening but I didn't let the realization hit me because then the pain would come back. I let myself feel amazing at my surroundings and being in Nick's arms.

He picked me up and started walking us through the huge field of roses.

I think he was talking because I heard this sound that sounded like mush but I could only see Nick smiling down at me.

We came up to this adorable cottage that was huge but it was still a cottage.

We carried me up to it and took me up a few flights of stairs.

We go to a room and it looked like the giant field of roses but there was a tall mount in the center of it and Nick placed me down on it, he laid down next to me and we just looked at each other.

After a few minutes the mush faded.

Me and Nick just stayed there looking at each other for what felt like decades.

Then I heard loud mush and a slam.

Nick moved over and took my hand then all the flowers went away and me and Nick's room came into my view and the feelings I felt went away. The pain didn't hurt as much anymore.

"Thank-you." I said weakly. I'm glad he put me under, who knows what would have happened if he didn't.

"It was no problem. Are you okay?" Nick asked holding me and looking into my eyes.

"I'm great now." I smiled and kissed him.

We stayed like that for a little while before I remembered. "Who were you talking to before? Because I think that I heard some voices, yelling and a door slam."

He looked a little worried but spoke. "Well... a few moments after I put you under I heard someone coming and it was a short girl and a tall blond guy who kept trying to change our emotions, but we were to skilled to let that happen, and they asked what was wrong with you, I told them that I wasn't sure. But I was completely sure, I know its because of your rage but I didn't tell them. They followed us here and we told them they should leave because you wouldn't like it if they were here. They wouldn't so we got into this fight and told them to leave. The girl wanted to stay but the guy told here they should leave, so they left and she slammed the door." He had a worried look in his eyes, he probably thought I wouldn't like that but I was glad that they threw them out.

"I'm glad you threw them out." I said looking him straight in the eyes.

He smiled."Good, I didn't want to upset you. I told you its not healthy to be mad all the time."

"I know and your right I'll try to work on. I will." I added because he raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"You promise?" He asked seriously.

"Yes I do." I smiled.

"Good now come here." He said pulling my hand.

Then I saw the roses again and he started kissing me and pulled me down on the soft mound.

Lezzie was right, we were like rabbits.

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**Hope you enjoyed,more to come.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Heres the next chapter,hope you enjoy.**

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I was revived out of the flowery world and pulled into reality.

"You could have warned me." I told Nick sitting up and looking at him.

"Morning to you too." He smiled.

I looked out the window. It was morning.

I loved it when Nick would pull us both into an illusion in the morning and later he would pull us out of it and then it would be day. It was the closest thing to sleep.

I got up and went inside my closet.

It was kind of huge not bigger than my bedroom but bigger than Nick's and his was a regular walk in.

I didn't have designer clothes, well some but not many.

I had allot of jeans and tank tops, halter tops and spaghetti shirts. I hardly wore shirts with sleeves, but still owned a few.

I didn't really have many shoes. I didn't own any flats. Sneakers and tennies were the only flats I would ware, I owned a few pairs of sandals and a couple of wedge heels.

I only owed three pairs of actual high heels.

A black pair, a red pair, and a blue pair.

I owned dresses but not to many, enough to fill a rack.

I owned five skirts. Two were short, one was long and flowy, one was buisnessy and the other was a jean mini.

My deathly outfit, no one would every mess with me if I was wearing it, was a long sleeve shirt, a skirt, and heels or one of my only five pairs of boots, but it depends on the boot.

My thigh high wedge heel, knee high spike heel and calf high brown boots mean its fine.

But my black worn cowboy boots and knee high combat boots mean you better watch out because if you mess with me I'll kick your ass.

And guess which outfit I'm wearing today.

Long black sleeve shirt, the wrist flow out into Juliette Sleeves, the only kind I wear, my black short skirt with black fishnets and my black combat boots.

I honestly didn't mean for everything to be black I just picked out the first ones my hand touched.

But I really didn't want to be bothered today.

When I came down the stairs and my family saw what I was wearing they looked right away from me.

Nick took my hand without word and they all knew we would be taking my car.

It was a shiny black truck, it was completely new and fast very very fast.

My family was always scared whenever I drove it.

I think it was because it was a truck, it was a weapon, and I was driving it.

We all got in but I could tell that my family was hesitant.

As soon as everyone was buckled in I shoved my foot on the gas pedal and we went right onto the street.

I rolled down the windows, I loved the wind in my hair.

I doubled around the street otherwise we would have been there five minutes ago.

No one said anything, they didn't dare test me or talk to me when it was probably gonna be one of my only happy times of the day.

I drove so fast into school I was laughing like a manic, so was everyone else.

I tore right into a parking space and screeched to a halt.

We all got out and started laughing so hard.

"Your are such an idiot!" Ryan squealed in a laugh.

"That...was so..._fast__!" _Lezzie got out_._

Nick couldn't even talk he was laughing so hard.

We were all laughing at me driving fast obviously but also another time I drove the car: I was going way to fast that I scared other cars and the whole time I had the whole lane to myself and no one ever came close to me. I could still go faster than the other cars, so sometimes I would drive up to them and I could see their face in their mirror and they looked like they were ready to jump out of their car, or I would put my blinker on just to see the others cars go over another lane.

Nick took my hand and gave me a spin when our laughs were dieing down.

He knew better than to try and pick me up.

He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arm over my shoulders and I put mine around his waist.

We were walking up to the school when I saw Edward.

He was leaning against the wall looking sad and broken.

So now he knows how I felt.

Everyone knew what I was gonna do.

He saw me and walked over to me.

He was half way over to me when I sung. "_After school!"_

He stopped in his tracks, he looked surprised and hopeful.

I laughed.

He thinks I'm gonna give in so easily? Well he is sadly mistaken.

We went to our classes and I saw Alice looking at me.

I made sure she couldn't see anything about my family.

She walked over to me.

I heard my family snicker.

I cleared my throat and they all calmed down but were trying and failing to hide smiles.

I had an unreadable expression on my face.

"Bella could we... talk please?" She seemed a little scared .

I just showed my teeth and said. "I'm talking to your brother after school."

She smiled and I walked away.

She didn't say anything or call after me.

The day went by fast, well it seemed fast.

No one messed with me or so much as looked at me today.

People didn't even know me and they understood that me wearing this meant 'don't you dare try anything'.

I had my family go to the car, I told them not to even think of touching the driver's seat, but I knew they could easily hear the conversation I would have with Edward.

I saw him but he didn't see me. I snuck up behind him and said. "Boo."

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**Hope you enjoyed,more to come.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Heres the next chapter,hope you enjoy**

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He got this sad look on his face. It was priceless.

I had to laugh I couldn't help myself.

He didn't smile, he knew better than to do that, but his eyes did.

"Listen Bella please I'm so sor-" I cut him off with my hand and gave him a death glare.

"My name isn't _Bella_." I spat the name. "My name is Essy." I growled.

He looked a little frightened but continued. "Please I am so sorry I never meant to hurt you. I truly love you with every fiber of my being. I hope you can forgive-" I cut him off again.

"I understand what you thought, that it was the best for me, you thought you were doing the right thing. I completely get it." I said with a smile only meant to show my teeth.

He let out a sigh of relief.

Why the hell would he do that?

"Thank you for understanding." He walked closer to me and went to take my hand.

I grabbed his wrist and flung him over my shoulder onto the ground. I shoved the heel of my boot to his throat.

"I understand but I don't forgive you." I growled at him with a murderous look on my face.

I heard a voice "Bella stop!"

Why won't they stop calling me that?!

I was about to turn when I saw Alice's arm extended, her hand a centimeter from mine.

But Nick was half in front of her and half in front of me, in between us he was holding onto my wrist.

He was looking into my eyes, his glaring into mine.

I glared back at him.

He raised his eyebrows saying 'you'll go on a rampage there are people here'.

I looked down at the ground and took my boot out from under Edward.

He got up and took in a few breaths of air.

I kept my head ducked down, one side of my hair behind my ear and the other side hanging down so I didn't see Edward.

"If you would have touched her it would not have been very good." Nick told Alice.

Alice's eyes went wide, probably in disbelief that I could hurt anyone.

"And don't call her by that name, she doesn't like it. Her name is Essy." He said in a polite voice.

"Ummm...okay sorry...Essy." Alice said a little worried.

I nodded my head once but I didn't look up.

"What did you say to her?" Alice hissed to Edward.

He just glared at her for a second then looked back at me.

"She just wanted to say she is trying to get over what went through. Something happened last night-" I snorted out a laugh. I knew it would automatically register in Nick's thoughts so I blocked his mind from looked at me smiled and shook his head- "and she wanted to stop being all worked up all the time."

"And stop being a horrible hostile person!" Lezzie yelled from the car.

My head short up and my eyes went dark and I let out a low deadly growl.

Lezzie just laughed and rolled up her window.

I looked over up at Nick. "You don't have to speak for me ya know." I said.

"You know you weren't gonna say it." He said looking at me.

I pouted and looked away.

He laughed.

I pouted more.

Wait! Why was I acting like this?

"Jasper!" I screeched and turned to looked at him with my teeth barred and my eyes sending off daggers.

He took a step back and then stopped and looked away from me.

Nick took my hand and told me "Calm down, you'll loose control."

I looked down again and said "I'm hungry."

"Alright." He said to me. "I'm really sorry that she didn't really talk but she really wasn't in the mood after the name anyway we might meet at your house sometime!" He talked louder as we walked toward the car. By time he finished we were in the car and I was screeching out of the parking lot.

I was at home in a second.

I was about to head towards the woods when Nick caught me behind the waist.

"We don't want a repeat of yesterday now do we?" He said kissing the top of my head.

"Well I loved the illusion." I said smiling.

He sighed. "Lets go try a human this time alright?" He asked looking in my eyes.

I kissed him and nodded my head.

We put our stuff in the house and headed toward Port Angeles.

We were there in a matter of moments.

I led them to a back warehouse place I remember from my human life.

I pushed back the memory though.

We saw two humans coming our way.

It was a tourist couple. A man and a woman who looked like they were in their mid forty's.

I was about to launched out when I was pulled away from them.

In a few seconds I was near the couple and the next I was near the shops and stores, but still a street corner away.

I looked up to see who had taken me and my family away from them and was about to lash out, but when I saw the face I stopped myself.

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**Hope you enjoyed,more to come.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Heres the next chapter,hope you enjoy.**

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I looked up at the person who was holding me. I could never hurt this person, they were much to kind to ever yell at. I couldn't throw myself out of Esme's grasp. I just looked at her for a second. Then over at my family. Emmett and Jasper were holding Ryan, Rosalie and Alice had Lezzie and Carlisle and Edward had Nick.

"What the hell were you doing?!" Rosalie yelled at me.

I looked at her and the hate returned to me. But I still didn't get away from Esme, but the others were struggling.

"We were hungry and we went to eat obviously!" I snarled at her.

All the Cullens looked shocked at what I said. I bet they thought I was just living off animals.

"How did you think we get the color of our eyes?!" I yelled.

"I don't think they looked closely at them Ess!" Ryan said laughing a little.

I shot him a glare.

Esme looked at my eyes while I wasn't looking at her. She gasped. I looked at her. I couldn't glare or give her a smile.

"Our eyes mix of gold and red but they also have a sprinkle of our human eye color in them. They only get that way if we drink human and animal blood. I make an illusion on all of the humans so they don't see them" Nick said calmly.

I looked at him he wasn't struggling but he looked annoyed that he was being restrained.

Carlisle looked like he was thinking about what Nick said. He must be trying to think how that would be possible.

"Nice shoes." Everyone looked over at Lezzie.

She looked at everyone with wide eyes. "What? They're nice!" She pouted and slumped. Rosalie and Alice didn't let her go though.

"Thanks." Alice said smiling

"A black patent leather upper, an open toe front paired with open sides and a large polka dot bow décor on the vamp finished with an adjustable sling back strap sitting above a 3 1/2 inch wooden cut out heel. Betsey Johnson is really an amazing artist." Lezzie said with adoration.

Alice grinned hugely. Me and Nick laughed and Ryan shook his head smiling saying "Thats my girl."

I composed myself after a second. "Can we go please? We're still hungry, and you can't stop us from eating." I said harshly.

Edward looked like he was going to protest but I think Carlisle said something in his head and Edward didn't say anything. They all let go of us and Nick ran over to my side and Ryan to Lezzie's.

Nick looked into my eyes to make sure I was alright. I nodded smiling. I looked over at Lezzie and Nick. They were being very friendly with each other right now.

I clapped my hands together once. "Lezzie! Ryan! Were in public!" I yelled at them.

They both jumped apart. Lezzie glared at me. She opened her mouth.

"Don't. Even. Talk." I said darkly. I knew that she would say something about how me and Nick always make out in public, and that we can barley stop. I did not want the Cullens to know that though.

She smirked at me but didn't say anything.

I looked at Nick. He nodded. I looked at the Cullens on last time and gave a devilish grin. Then we all ran. They probably would have followed us but I had Nick put an illusion of them in a tornado of leaves. He took it off when we were a safe distance. We reached our house and I plopped down right down on the first chair I saw. I bent over and put my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands.

Nick knelt down in front of me. "Are you alright?" He asked me.

"I really don't know. I keep getting angry and... When I saw Esme I didn't feel very mad. She was always nice to me but, I really don't know." My voice was raspy and strangled. I really had no idea what to think. I didn't mind the Cullens, but I hated them?

Nick pulled me into a hug. I threw myself at him and hugged him back. "I don't know what I'm supposed to think." I said slightly sobbing.

He held onto me tightly. "You can like them Essy. You don't need to hate them. They thought it was what was best for you when they left." He told me calmly.

"I know but... I'm just really confused. I feel so much hate toward them but when I see them I don't feel it as much." I said through my sobs.

He pulled me back to look at him. "You can still be they're friend. Maybe you want to hate someone but not necessarily the Cullens. Just try letting them get close to you. Try and let go of all your anger. You should try moving forward." He looked deep into my eyes and said it with so much and love.

I hugged him tightly. He was so sweet and kind and he knew how to make me feel better. He knew everything about me. "I love you Nick."

"I love you too Essy." He said calmly.

I pulled back and looked at him again. I smiled and had so much love in my eyes. His look mirrored mine. Then we were interrupted.

"Well you guys make out all the time! You can't keep your hands off each other! And you really need to contain your volume! I mean really!" Said Lezzie in a huff like she had been out of breath. Then she started gasping for air. Ryan rubbing her back comfortingly.

Me and Nick looked at here with our eyebrows raised.

She looked at us once she had enough air in her lungs. "What? You wouldn't let me say it there and I was holding it in the whole time!" She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Me and Nick just burst out laughing. Ryan joined in and Lezzie just smiled.

Maybe things can get better.

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**Hope you enjoyed,sorry I haven't updated in a while I'll do my best to get it done quicker,more to come.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Heres the next chapter hope you enjoy.**

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I got out of bed after Nick stopped the illusion of the both of us just relaxing on the beach, we weren't glittering, and doing nothing but enjoying the view and each others company. It was so calming and we didn't do anything other than relax!

I went into my closet and picked out some clothes, a blue tank top old faded jeans and my thigh high wedge heel boots.

The others told me that I should give the Cullens a chance and not be so harsh to them. I guess I could but theres just so much hate I feel inside me. I aim it at Edward and not the others. I really hate Edward for making me this way. I've become so narcissistic, I'm hostile most of the time and I lash out at people for them hardly doing anything wrong.

But I don't hate the rest of the Cullens, the really haven't done anything to me. Well the left but Edward made them go, I can forgive them for that. I would like to get to know them more, I really guess I have missed them, well not Edward.

I finished getting dressed and saw my family in the living room waiting for me. I smiled at all of them. One of my true happy smiles that come rarely.

They all smiled back knowing what it meant. I love my family, they always know how to act around my and put up with my bitchy ways and every problem I have. They really are incredible and I love them all.

We took the bloody red Audi Locus, we call it the family car 'cause we all wanted it but we all decided to share it. It was a really heavy discussion. We used it for special occasions and I guess this was one of them. We all agreed that we had to switch off every time we would drive it. It was Nick's turn this time. It went Nick, me Lezzie then Ryan. We played a game of _Rock _paper scissors to find out the order.

Nick made sure we were all buckled in and had a good hold on something before he sped off at an amazing speed. It made our backs go into the seats, the rush was so incredible and exhilarating. Nick took a sharp turn to the right and I nearly crashed into the door.

Before I knew it we were parked in the school parking lot, parked perfectly. I threw open my door and took one step and landed on my knees on the ground. Lezzie and Ryan came out after me and they did the same.

I don't like this pain in my legs. It feels like thery're made of jelly and that I was just terribly shaken, which I kinda was, and it all went to my legs and sucked every ounce of energy from them.

There was a shadow over me. I looked up and Nick was shaking his head and smiling. "It wasn't that bad you guys."

"Ow" The three of us chanted at the same time.

Nick busted out laughing. He was holding his side and laughing at us.

"It is not funny." I said sternly. "It is painful. That car is really tough."

He pulled me up still chuckling. He picked me up into his arms and kissed my forehead. With me still in his arms he pulled Ryan to his feet and when he got his balance he helped Lezzie up.

She brushed her clothes of and kissed Ryan on the cheek. Then she walked over to Nick and hit him on the head a little hard. He staggered and dropped me.

I landed her on my back. I let out a chough from the impact. I turned down to look and there was a small imprint of a spine in the asphalt.

I let out a snort. "We better go now." I said quickly. Nick tried to pick me up again but I just shook my head

We all walked away from our car and we're about to head into the building when I saw the Cullens.

Lezzie nudged my shoulder and nodded in their direction. I nodded my head. Nick and Ryan watched me and Lezzie and understood what was going to happen.

I started walking over to the Cullens my family behind me.

I watched the faces of the Cullens. Emmett looked unsure as to what would take place right now, like he was waiting for me and Rosalie to start fighting again. I blocked Jasper's power so he wouldn't be able to know how we felt, he look curious and frustrated. Rosalie looked really pissed off, I bet she wanted to rip my head off. I laughed in my head at that. I blocked Alice too and she looked a little worried and hopeful. I looked at Edward lastly. He saw me coming over he looked like Alice but he also looked so sad and weak.

I ran over to Alice, I hugged her and smiled. "I love your outfit Alice, it looks incredible. Yours too Rosalie. I'll see you all later." I said calmly but with the angry edge I always talk to Lezzie Ryan and Nick with. I smiled at all of them, Edward included, and walked away. Ryan came with me, I trusted Nick and Lezzie to explain to the Cullens my behavior than I did Ryan.

Me and Ryan went to our lockers, the four of our lockers are all together, and waited for Nick and Lezzie to come back.

After seven minutes they came back.

Lezzie was grinning from ear to ear and Nick had a was trying to contain his smile but was failing.

Lezzie came and ran over to me. She looked ready to burst. "I have to tell you what happened and the looks on their faces!"

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**Hope you enjoyed, my apology's that I keep taking so long to repost thank you all who review and read this,more to come.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Heres the next chapter,hope you enjoy.**

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Lezzie started telling me, in full detail, what happened.

After I walked away they all looked dumbstruck. Lezzie said she could barley hold in her laughter the whole time but she knew this was important so she didn't laugh. Nick started out and spoke first.

"She has decided she wants to try and get to know you better and be friends with you all again." He said kindly, business like but like talking to an old friend.

They were even more shocked when he said it Lezzie told me.

"The three of us have been pushing her for decades to try and come to terms with you guys and she finally has taken our advice." Lezzie told them smiling happily to them with a tone like Nick's.

They were getting their minds around it. Rosalie was the first to fix herself up enough to speak. "But she was talking to us like we were dirt o the bottom of her shoes. She didn't sound like she wanted friendship. And she scoffed at our outfits." Rosalie was trying to sound mean and she did but there was a hint of sadness and hurt in her voice.

Nick and Lezzie gave them a small smile. "Thats the way she talks. She was really happy about becoming friends." Nick explained.

"And she didn't scoff at your outfits, she really liked them. She likes some clothes but has an odd sense of fashion, but she still looks hot in whatever she wears." Lezzie explained.

I stopped her from telling me the story for a second. "Awww. Lez you really said that?" That was so nice.

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "Your really do look awesome in all your outfits. And as your big sister I have to inform people of your awesome style." She said raising her head in proudly.

"Thank you big sis." I said hugging her. "No prob little sis." She said hugging back.

"No back to the story." I commanded when we stopped hugging. She laughed and got back to the story.

She said that Edward looked pained, probably because he wasn't happy by the way I act.

But Alice smiled. "Thats good to know, that she wants to be friends with us again." She said happily but still surprised.

Then her and Nick let out bigger smiles. "She might want to go hunting with you all later on some time so we can all meet on better circumstances. I also apologize for the illusion last time." Nick said with a sorry smile.

"We might sit with you all at lunch and she'll talk to you all after school. Don't get into your past with her or talk about what you've all been doing in the past. Not yet anyway, she'll come to that bridge when we all get together at a time. Just go with what she says and act like everything is fine. She get in her own world sometimes but she really is a nice person." Lezzie said thoughtfully and warningly.

"She always means well and you should brush off some hard remarks if she gives you them. She means what she says sometimes even if its in a harsh manner but you'll know when she is actually being mean and when she just says something meanly and is just saying it. She never means to hurt anyones feelings, she can be nice and sweet on extreamly rare ocassions." Nick said happily but still said with seriousness.

"Shes like a marshmallow." Lezzie said enthusiastically.

"What?!" I yelled breaking her out of her story telling. She jumped and said "What you are." Like it wasn't a big deal.

I just shook my head and said "Go on."

She kept going, explaining how I was a marshmallow. Everyone else looked at her with surprise and confusion on their faces. "What? A marshmallow gets hard but is still soft on the inside, and all you need to do is warm it up and it will be a completely soft and flexible. Nick gets what I me-"

"Lezzie!" Nick yelled looking at her like she just asked what sound a sound made.

Her eyes bugged out and she realized that she wasn't suppose to have any harsh talk."Any way just try and follow what she says and go with some of it." Lezzie said composing herself.

They were about to walk away when Lezzie remember what to tell Edward. She stopped right in front of him and said "Shes still very hostile with you so be careful and try not to engage her in conversation just yet. She could lash out at you and it wouldn't be very good." Lezzie warned him. His face fell and he looked sadder.

Then they both walked away and... "Here we are." She said finishing. I grinned. They did everything perfectly. Lezzie almost slipped but it was fine, nothing to big.

"So what do you think?" Lezzie asked excitedly.

"I think, I can't wait for lunch." I said with a devilish smile on my face, but it was really my normal smile.

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**Hope you enjoyed,more to come.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Heres the next chapter, hope you enjoy.**

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I was bored for the rest of the day, I know everything already and I couldn't wait for lunch to come.

I wasn't really planning a giant mess of doom, I was just going to show them me. Not _Bella_. Not that girl who was weak and frail. That child who knew nothing. Who never possessed beauty and graceful movements.

I'll give them the chance to know Essy.

I'm just gonna act like its a normal day and like the Cullens sitting at our table was completely and totally obvious.

Lezzie made the rules completely clear, so no one should do anything to piss me off.

Edward might probably do something though. Then again maby not if he wants to get on my good side.

I bet he wants me back though. I'm never going back to him of course but I wonder what he'll do.

I should tell everyone about me and Nick being married later though. A soft blow and not in front of a bunch of people. It would be a be entertaining to watch them freak out though.

I wonder how Rosalie and Alice are gonna react to my fashion sense. Lezzie would love Alice and Rosalie. She loves to shop as much as them and likes all the same kinda clothes probably.

Lezzie doesn't always like shopping with me because 'my sense of style is as good as a pole dancing monkey'. She actually said that to me before and I told her that a monkey would probably be good at pole dancing so it was more of a compliment. She shot me a glare but then realized she said it and we both cracked up for half an hour about. Every time we go shopping one of us bring it up and start cracking up.

But she still doesn't like the clothes I wear all the time. She says I could look better in dresses, skirts and frilly flowery shit stuff like that. She always trys to get me to buy something like that but I never do. She still excepts my outfit choices though and thinks they look good at times.

This was a good distraction. Just thinking about frivalus stuff until it was time for lunch. I was so in my own world that Lezzie had to shake my shoulder to get me to realize where I was.

I just picked up my bag and started walking to the cafeteria with Lezzie right behind me.

_Act like you usually_ _would. Act like you usually would._ I chanted in my head. We walked right through the doors and headed toward the lunch line.

I didn't look over to see if they were at our table yet. I knew that Nick and Ryan were at it already. It was part of the plan.

We took our trays and took a quick skim and saw them all right away. I didn't have any difference in the way I walked. I sat down right next to Nick and Lezzie next to Ryan.

After I was perfectly fine I let myself take a look.

Alice was next to Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett were together, Edward was in the middle of the four of them.

"Can we go shopping soon Ess?" Lezzie said out of no where.

I internally grinned. I'm glad she started a conversation so I wouldn't have to just sit there and sigh. But I was also miffed about her bringing up shopping.

I groaned. "Why though? You have enough clothes as it is. You don't need any more." I said looking at her with a tired amused look.

"I can always have more you know," She said brightly. " Its always nice to have spears too."

I rolled my eyes and looked at Alice. "You should be bursting right now, " My voice was dripping with expectancy, like she was suppose to. I knew it would freak her out a bit. "I mean you still love shopping right?"

Alice's eyes got wide for a second, but then she pulled back and must have remembered what Nick and Lezzie told them this morning. "I still love shopping and I would love to go." She said brightly.

I groaned again. "Look Lezzie you found a new best friend." I said sarcastically. See that was easy, being myself.

Lezzie rolled her eyes. "Yep you know I can't wait to get rid of you." She said, her face scrunched up like it was mad but she was facing and looked hilarious.

"Oh I didn't mean-" Alice started, think I was actually thinking I was serious. I cut her off though.

"Alice it was a joke. Chill." I said giving her a small annoyed smile.

She opened her mouth once and then closed it, thinking it was better to just shut up.

"I think it would be awesome. The guys could go do guy stuff and the girls can all go shopping." Lezzie said grinning happily.

"Tis the parfect pl_aaan_!" Ryan said in an evil scientist voice and rubbing his hands together.

Lezzie laughed with Ryan. Nick was smiling and I rolled my eyes.

"Well what do you think Rosalie?" Lezzie asked after she finished laughing.

"Sounds good to me" She said with ease. At least she could compose herself, then again she never did like me so maby she was just acting normal for her.

I looked over at Edward. He was the only one staring at me. The others only looked at me a few times after a few moments.

I leaned over the table and got in Edward's face. "Is there something you need?" I asked casually, like everyone talked real close to someone elses face.

His eyes got big for a second and then he looked like he was trying to say something.

I opened my lips a little to show my teeth and let out a small terrifying growl, but still kept the rest of my self normal faced.

He got freaked and leaned back in his chair.

I went back into my chair and let out a laugh. Nick shook his head.

"Don't mind her shes just cranky 'cause she hasn't had her morning-" Ryan was saying, but I threw my soda bottle at his face and stopped him from talking.

He was about to say something about me and Nick. I made it clear that I didn't want them to know yet. What was with Lezzie and Ryan?! I mean honestly! They both went back-to-back on almost spilling this secret.

Ryan took the bottle and placed it in front of him and pouted. Lezzie went over and started rubbing his forehead. I snarled at him and then slouched in my chair. Nick looked over at me and stroked my hand. I smiled with me eyes at him.

"Excuse him, hes just a little cranky because he didn't get enough time in bed last night." Nick said with a tone and facial expression that looked like he was really apologizing for Ryan.

What he said made me crack a smile because last night Lezzie got really pissed when Ryan said he wasn't 'in the mood' when she called him into their room. Since he said that she figured he wasn't going to be in the mood for a little bit so she piled clothes onto herself and when Ryan was finally in the mood Lezzie was reading a Catholic Church brochure. When he asked what was going on she told him she was going the nun way. He freaked out so much! It was hilarious!

The Cullens laughed at him, Edward didn't though. I think he was trying to process my mood.

I crossed my eyes stuck my tongue out to the side of my mouth and tilted my head at him. I did that for five seconds then everyone was laughing at me. Even Edward gave a small smile.

"So fine, whatever," I said going back to the shopping subject. "We can go but no picking out my outfits."

Lezzie and Alice both squealed with delight. Me and Rosalie smiled.

"Fine you girls prance around, while the guys play video games, piss people off and the possibility of going to jail." Ryan said smiling.

"Perfect for me man!" Emmett said giving Ryan a high five.

Nick shook his head and Jasper and Edward rolled their eyes.

"Fine it's planned then," I said in a slight bored voice. "Girls will go shopping guys can commit a felony, but don't think we'll bail you all out."

"When?" Emmett asked excitedly.

I narrowed my eyes. "I don't know. We'll have to see-" The bell ringing cut through my sentence.

I looked at the sky with a pissed look and the bell stopped short. "As I was saying, we'll at your house. Can we go over in a bit?" Of course they were gonna say yes.

They all looked a little confused and surprised. Rosalie pulled herself together the quickest. "Yeah of course you can, all of you."

"Cool we might be over tonight.Bye all" I said getting up and walking away.

"Bye everyone!" Lezzie said bursting with happiness and joy.

"I can't wait to see what the jail here looks like. Bye." Ryan said with a huge grin and he actually sounded a little serious.

"It was nice meeting you all, well kinda." Nick said politely.

We left quickly so they didn't have a chance to say anything back.

After we were a little bit away from them I heard Rosalie ask, "Did she stop the bell? Was that part of her power?"

"Nope. I think it was just scared." I replied in a quiet voice but enough that they heard me.

Then we all walked out of the cafeteria and to our next classes.

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**Hope you enjoyed, my biggest sorrys for not updating for so long I had to o out of time and I had no availability to wright another chapter I'll try and get more out as soon as I can,more to come.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Heres the next chapter, hope you enjoy.**

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When we got home from school I laid myself down on the couch and threw my arm over my eyes.

Lezzie and Ryan were still laughing and talking about today's lunch.

I felt more weight on he other side of the couch. I moved my arm a bit and peeked to see Nick smiling at me.

I got up from my sitting position and crawled over into Nick's lap. I know it was very un-me to do that but I felt a little weird.

Nick Pulled my up on his lap and craddled me like I was a child and stroked my hair and looked into my eyes. I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes.

He gave a small chuckle. "Whats up? I like this but its not like you to cuddle up to me."

I sniffed. "Yeah well, I feel different. I wonder if I'm sick."

He laughed again, "I don't think that's possible. But really, whats wrong?"

I breathed in a quick sharp gust of air and let a few words slip past my lips, "I'm a little nervous about going over to the Cullen's house. I mean I haven't really seen them in a very long time. And, I don't know, I feel like I'm being defrosted," He laughed at me and I hit him but kept going on, "I mean when we were still living in South Dakota I was as cold as my body temperature and now I'm not as harsh or cruel. I don't even feel like lashing out at people all the time."

I felt like crying. I mean it felt like I myself was slowly slipping away. I was really freaked out. I had committed myself to not caring about the Cullens anymore! I let them slip away! I got over them! Why do I feel so different?!

Nick kissed the top of my head softly and started rubbing my back. "I think you are warming up more, it might be because of all the memories you had here. And also because you really aren't as over the Cullen's as you thought. I understand that you think that you're all powerful and that nothing or no one can stop you from your fiery pit of anger and demise but I know your not as cold as you lead on." He said lovingly and truthfully.

He sounded a little like he was joking in some bits but he wasn't really. He was telling me the truth.

But I didn't want to believe it. I'm much stronger than this, I am. I know I can...

I pulled myself as close as I could to Nick. And started dry sobbing.

"But I can't be this weak! I'm stronger than this! I was hurt and I moved on from it! Why does it still hurt?!" I sobbed hysterically.

Nick didn't answer he just held me and rubbed my back and stroked my hair.

My vision changed and I saw a bright and sunny sky. I was laying back in a nice chair but I didn't look at what kind it was, it just felt nice and soft and comfortable. I think I was in a giant field on top of a tall hill and looking at the wonderful view in front of my eyes.

I saw grass that went on for a very long way, and beautiful hills of other green grass that went on just as long. There were a few flower patches scattered around the landscape. I looked toward the sky again and saw the wonderful sun shining down upon me with such a beautiful blue sky, with only a few clouds scattering the sky.

I just let the illusion pull me in and and stop thinking about everything and let myself calm down.

Then I felt myself on someones lap. I looked and saw Nick. I smiled and kissed him. He pulled me closer to him and kissed me back.

I just love the way he makes me feel. Like all the pain can be taken away from me and like it never existed. It was like he was my own personal worrier that kept the pain at bay from me. He would fight it all away and never let it touch me. He protected me from it even when I would get pissy about it he wold still be my savior. He made sure he was doing whatever he could to make me safe and have a better existence. It was like he was made for me.

After we pulled away I closed my eyes and leaned against him while he stroked my hair back.

* * *

It lasted a bit before everything faded away, I knew it even though my eyes were closed. Its like I felt all the waves of reality flow in, like I was being dropped into the water of it. I could feel the ripples around me and the water coming back and hitting me.

I open my eyes reluctantly and look up at Nick. Hes smiling at me apologetically, obviously noticing my mood.

I shook my head telling him I'm fine.

Fine. It's always the key word for saying I'm not at all fine and I'm completely lost and need help.

I got out of his lap and walked to the bottom of the stairs.

I called out, "Lezzie! Ryan! Get dressed so we can leave!" I yelled because I felt like it. And I knew Lezzie would never stick to her Nun thing.

They came down after a minute looking ready to go.

"Are you ready?" Nick asked behind me.

I turned around and looked at him. I gave him a smile and nodded.

He walked over to me and held me. I put my arms around him and gave him a huge squeeze to let out a bit of my pain.

After I let go he kissed my forehead and took my hand. We all walked out of the house and head into the woods. I lead the way because I was the only one who knew where the house was.

I didn't let any memories come to me though, I just kept my mind on the trees flying by me.

All to soon we were at the Cullen mansion.

I looked up at it, it sort of felt like it was taunting me. Mocking me, kind of saying that I was never meant to have that and that I was never even good enough to be with them.

I got freaked out for a second, surprised that I felt this way.That these thoughts came to me and what they just made me feel. Hurt instead of enraged. It scared me.

I shook my head, throwing away those thoughts.

I looked up at Nick. He gave me I big smile. I reach up and grabbed his neck and gave him a quick passionate kiss. I felt tension leave me and love enter me.

I pulled away and saw Nick's surprised but happy expression. I smiled back and then we walked to the front door and knocked.

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**Hope you enjoyed, I know I know extremely mean of me but I didn't want to give away to much and my hugest sorrys for not updating in a super mega long time I have much stuff going on that won't shut up I felt like today was a great day to put something out though today is my birthday I won't tell you how old I am because I'm saving that for the future but anyway I'll try and update as soon as I can next time reviews give me more inspiration especially when they have _constructive criticism _not flames so if there's anything you want to read more of or about (But I'm only writing this story in 'Essy's' POV) please let me know, more to come.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Heres the next chapter, hope you enjoy.**

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The door opened and there was Carlisle and Esme smiling.

There was some kind of pull in me that made me smile back. They had always been like parents to me, it was a tie that I couldn't completely cut that would make me want to never see them again.

Some stupid freaking authority thing was flashing in my mind.

"Hi Essy, welcome." Esme said, completely motherly. Good thing they filled them both in before we came here.

"Its been to long." Carlisle said.

"_I think I could wait a little more._" I thought exasperatedly.

"Yeah." I kinda sounded like I meant it, a little, if you listened closely it was heartfelt, if you had Superman -Spider Man- and a vampire's hearing combined.

"Well come in, come in." Esme said while opening the door wider and gesturing with her hand for us to come in.

We all walked through the door and Nick took my hand. I smiled up at him.

Carlisle led us to the living room where everyone was waiting. Everyone.

Emmett And Rose were on a love seat together, Alice was in a chair with Jasper sitting on the arm. And Edward was by himself in a chair.

In a quick flash I lowered Edward and Jasper's powers on me, Nick, Lessie, and Ryan.

I felt a quick stab of freak out that I quickly threw out the window.

Esme motioned her hands to the big sofa while her and Carlisle sat on another love seat. I sat down next to Nick and Lessie sat next to Ryan with her legs crossed over his. I held Nick and my joined hands at an angle so our rings weren't showing.

"Sorry we weren't formaly introduced. I'm Nick and this is Ryan and Lessie." Nick said politely.

"I'm Carlisle and this is my wife Esme. You already know the kids."

Ryan grinned and nodded his head.

"So Essy what have you been up to for the past years?" I knew it took allot of restrain for Alice not to bound over to me and start throwing question after question at me. And I'm glad she didn't use the 'B' word.

"Nothing. Here and there." I said offhandedly.

Alice looked strained. She took Jasper's hand and squeezed it. I think I saw him flinch.

I laughed. "Go ahead, put more detail into your questions."

"How did you get changed?!" Well that was blunt.

I smiled and was about to talk when Lessie beat me to it.

"I changed her."

All eyes turned to Lessie.

She just grinned. "I was in the forest looking for something to eat, didn't matter to me I was starving, when I came across this wonderful sent of blood. So I run to the sent and there I see this girl with her head on top of a rock and blood pooling out, her heartbeat was extremely weak. She didn't look to be in the best shape, but anyone with blood coming out of their head and on the verge of death can't really look in the best shape can they?

"But anyway I knew I could either drink her off or turn her. And here is the outcome." Lessie finished looking over at me and grinning.

I grinned back. I truly am thankful that she decided to change me. I know I have gone through unbearable pain but its all worth it because I have the three of them.

"How did you deal with the blood?" Carlisle asked intrigued.

"It wasn't to hard. I'm alot older than Essy and I have great control."

"Thats my girl." Ryan said kissing her neck. She giggled and was about to turn her head when I smacked the back of his.

"Were in front of people and in their house! Honestly!" I said frustrated.

They just sticked their tongues out at me and everyone laughed.

"So you two are, married?" Emmett asked curious.

"Yes. A billion times happy too." Lessie grinned at Ryan.

"The wedding was eccentric." Nick said with a funny smile thinking about it.

"That is and understatement." I said laughing. "When there is a lama on the groom's side and Priscilla Presley's dress was almost chewed off by a goat I think that would be a little bit more than eccentric."

The four of us were laughing with our memories.

"They wanted to go to Vegas and do it," Nick said with laughter. "So we head our way there and in Flagstaff we saw this state fair so Ryan bounces as much as your Alice does. So we go to shut him up. Everything is going fine till we reach the petting zoo.

"Someone thought it would be funny to start a stampede." Nick looked over at Ryan who was looking bashful." So he take some of the food and runs it through the park, comes back and opens that gate but not before nudging a mule and taking away a pony's baby. So the the mule ends up kicking a pig which knocks out more of the fence, and the pony went right after Ryan. He ran at vampire speed toward the cars and some of the animals followed him. The carnival head guy and the carnies were all walking toward us so we had no choice but to bring the ones in our cars along." He ended with numerous laughs.

"Essy was having a fit over her car smelling like animal." Lessie giggled.

"Hey! I was entitled to it! You try and drive with a lama's head out your sunroof!" I laughed out.

Some of the Cullens were smiling and laughing at the story. I wasn't sure what Edward was doing, I was trying not to think of him.

After everything settled down more questions came.

They asked how Ryan was changed, and everyone let it go. Even though he said it was fine and that he was thankful with this life he has now.

When Rosalie asked, "Who changed Nick?"

Crap!

I felt panic in my stomach. What if this will lead to more questions.

"Essy did." He said with a thankful smile.

I hit my heart with a powerful pang full of love.

I couldn't stop the loving smiling that came to my lips. "It was, nothing." I looked away shy but narrowed my eyes when I realized I looked shy.

I heard Lessie giggle. My head spun around to her and I raised my eyebrow in a threatening way.

She smiled and looked out a window with a knowing expression.

I sighed and faced forward.

Shit!

The Cullens looked a little confused but had some understanding in their eyes.

I sighed again and brushed some hair out of my face.

Then I hears a few intakes of breath.

My eyes widened when I realized I did it with my left hand, exposing my wedding ring.

Fuck!

I bit my lip and turned forward.

Edward looked agonized. His face held shock and pain. My heart screamed in sadness and guilt, that scarred the hell out of me.

He got up and ran out of the house. I stood straight up and ran right after him.

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**Hope you enjoyed, okay you all have permission to throw as many muffins at me as you want I completely deserve them for as long as I took to update and for that cliff hanger I'm extremely sorry for both I hope everyone has seen Twilight I saw it the day it came out and it was... alright they should have put _allot _of stuff in that is very important to everything but the worse part was there were stupid moronic idiots laughing and giggling almost the whole time and the worst part was they laughed during the kissing scene! who does that?! it was just stupid and uncalled for! ugh but anyway there is a poll on my profile and involves that so yeah I'll do my best to update as quick as I can, more to come.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Heres the next chapter, hope you enjoy.**

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I went right through the forest, whipping through the trees and following Edward's sent.

I wasn't sure what I was going to say yet. No way in hell am I going to think it through first. I want to see how he's gonna act toward me.

I was very close to catching up with him. I knew he was fast but I got fast over the years too.

His footsteps were close, they were crunching on the sticks and leaves in my ears. Then I saw him running past some trees and I pushed off the forest floor harder. I threw my hands out and tackled him to the ground.

We rolled over and I threw his body off me and into a tree. With the force of my throw the tree snapped and he tumbled into a boulder.

I jumped to me feet the same time as he did. He looked so pist.

"What the hell was that for?!" He yelled at me.

"I knew you wouldn't stop if I yelled." I said angrily.

"That doesn't give you the right to tackle me!"

I sighed. "Gosh. Calm down."

"How am I suppose to calm down when the person I want to spend my existence with is married to someone else?!"

I narrowed my eyes. "Oh and if the person you used to love tell you that they weren't good enough and that they were sick of you how would that feel, huh?"

He flinched at that, but tried to calm his expression.

"But Bella, I truly do love you. Please, give me another chance." He was begging, his eyes sorrowful and worried.

"No! Where would you ever come up with something like that?! I've found someone who can take care of me and help me! Because of him I got better! Because of him I can live with myself without feeling agony and pain all the time!"

"But what am I suppose to do? I love you with everything I have. I would give everything up just to have another chance." His voice was strangled and he looked like he could cry.

My heart started to shake, I felt bad for what I was doing to him but I couldn't stop and break all that has happened for me.

"Listen to me. I can't do that. I've picked myself up and scrubbed off all the dirt. I was in pain and I was angry- You left! How could you except me to just let that go?! I can't derail everything I have built and made for myself for something that I can't trust will happen!"

"Bella, please. I love you and I never could leave you again and put us both through that, you have to believe me. I can't stand this! I love you so much and to hear you say that you don't is agony on me, but I know your lying. After a love like ours I know that it would be impossible to ever break."

After time had passed I didn't realize that he had walked closer toward me. Before I could even comprehend what he was about to do his lips were on mine.

It was a mix of shock and care that made me not pull my lips from his.

For some un-Godly reason I didn't pull away. I got terrified when my lips moved a fraction. But the worst thing was that something inside me felt like this was right.

I yanked my lips away and threw the hardest punch I've ever throw at Edward's jaw. There was no doubt that his jaw actually hurt. He whipped to the ground and grabbed his jaw but kept his eyes on me.

"Stay away from me. How dare you touch me like that. I've been through the worst pain I have every felt because of you, it beats the pain of the venom that spread through my veins and changed me.

"I have a family that would do anything for me and I would do anything for them. I have a man who cares for me and loves me and a guarantee that he wont leave. There is nothing you can say that will ever take me away from that. I refuse to let you hurt me again. Don't you ever, ever come near me anymore." I looked him dead in the eye, my voice was so strong, like a whip threw the air, but I could hear the shatter that ran through.

I turned away and ran as fast as I could to my house. I opened the door and ran up to my and Nick's room, slammed the door and threw myself on the bed. I sat up and leaned against the headboard and pulled my legs to my chest.

The sobs that ran threw my body hurt so much, I was shaking and trying to keep myself from screaming.

NO! I can't let this happen to me! I can't let him hold something inside me again!

I heard the front door open and fast feet moving up the stairs, the door swung open and closed quickly. I didn't look up even though I knew who it was.

I just felt his arms pull me close to his chest and I threw my arms around his neck.

"I can't do this again. I really really can't. " I sobbed over his shoulder.

He rocked me back and forth as the sobs rolled all over me. "We shouldn't have gone there. I shouldn't have followed after him. Why am I so stupid?"

"Your not. Your the smartest person I've ever met." Nick said strongly, with love.

I shouldn't have let him keep his lips on mine or so long. I felt disgusted with myself. I'm extremely happily married, and I kissed another man. The man who ripped out and shattered my heart.

"I really am. I- I let him-" I kept sobbing, barely even able to let the words loose from my lips. But I needed to tell Nick, I had to.

Nick smoothed my hair back, trying to calm me down so he could hear what I was saying. I tried pulling deeper breaths in and holding my sobs.

"I'm sorry Nick, I'm so sorry. I let him kiss me."

I felt him stiffen a little bit and his hands fisted behind my back. I knew Nick seemed extremely calm and like he couldn't hurt a fly, but when it comes to me, he might just rip someones throat out.

I just kept sobbing as he held me tightly. I knew I would hurt him terribly if I said that I felt a spark of something from the kiss, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

I heard him take deep breaths, trying to control his anger. "I'm so sorry." I sobbed again, pulling Nick closer to me.

I held onto Nick as hard as I could. I knew he was still mad, not at me but at Edward. I knew the next time we saw him Nick was gonna do something, I don't know what though. Right now I'm more worried about my and Nick's feelings.

I didn't want to hurt Nick or put him in any pain. I know how much he cares for me and would do anything for me. I've never seem him in pain before, angry, yes but never in any pain.

He pulled me closer too, like he was looking for comfort and love from me. He understood my feelings for Edward almost better than I did, maybe even better. It was like he was a filing system, he knew where everything was and needed to be placed.I never thought I would hurt him like this, I guess because I figured I lost all my love for Edward... apparently I was wrong.

I sobbed again after thinking that.

I knew Nick was gonna have to pull us under soon, so I wasn't surprised when we were, but I was surprised to seen gray smoke for a second before everything turned into a rainbow of color while we sat on a comfortable bed like stone on top a cliff.

We both layed back after awhile. We both were in pain right then. Nick stroked my hair while I rubbed patterns on his arm.

My heart was patched but still frayed. Nick fixed it as best as he could, I was actually whole for all those years. But there were still those tiny holes that I couldn't see, and were to small to seal. And when Edward kissed me he stretched out all those tiny holes.

I felt so much pain and terror. I didn't want to love him anymore. I wanted to get over him and stop caring. I wanted my life back, when I could hate and throw away all my pain like it never existed. I wanted it all to go back to the way it was.

Nick and I held onto each other and closed our eyes and drifted into better times and hoped everything would be better tomorrow.

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**Hope you enjoyed, sorry it took so long to update and Merry and Happy everything just to let you all know 'Essy' didn't say anything to Edward about him calling her 'Bella' because she had other stuff on her mind obviously my poll is up and I think it will be closed by the next update and I think this story is almost over maybe four or five more chapter to go possibly less if I put allot of words in, more to come**


	15. IMPORTANT!

**I swore that I would never ever in a billion years put one of these up but I have to. I can't update for a while. I have absolutely no idea when I can. My life to a gigantic turn. I haven't been able to see any reviews or anything at all. I've had no Internet access and this was the closest thing I have and only for a tiny bit. Whats the worst is that I was almost done and now I'm not. But I am working on new storeys, some funny some tragic some romance and possibly my first lemon. I will update when I can and I will write till my fingers hurt.**

**My apology's- ChrissyBellaDiva**


	16. Chapter 15

**Heres the next chapter, hope you enjoy.**

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We both stayed there for a really long time. Just holding each other. Trying to figure out the situation and how we felt.

I was thinking about how much I love Nick. When we got married, the small little reception we had and when we kissed, the fiery binding mold I felt, like we were truly bound together. And when we had our honeymoon, when he laid me gently on the bed, he laid right next to me and just _looked at me_. His eyes looked like they found light, something so sweet and perfect and wonderful, like he was whole.

When we slept together, it was also like the binding feeling the kiss was. My body was his, my heart was his, my entire being was truly and entirely his. Each movement was like a heated touch. The concrete hardening, sealing us together and making sure we never broke apart. Afterward we held onto each other, he brought us under but it was like we were still in the same place, it was like time was actually moving for us. I guess that was when I really was secured, I knew that I was staring to move along with time and I had someone to go forward with it.

Later I wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking about how I kissed Edward? Was He thinking about the first time I saw him after his change? Was he thinking about our wedding just like I was? Was he just trying to push it away and hold me?

Out of everything he could have been thinking I knew he wasn't thinking about leaving me. The binding. I couldn't read his mind but I could feel it in everything we do together. The deep burning love we have. Neither one of us could ever part with each other.

There was a faint thumping in the background. Then everything swirled away and we were back in our room.

"Come in." Nick said calmly.

Ryan and Lezzie came in with hesitant looks. They knew something big and bad had just happened, but its never happened like this before so they were just as clueless as me and Nick.

They walked over to the bed, Lezzie crawled over so she was leaning against my stomach and the Ryan came over and had his face on Lezzie's chest. It wasn't a perverted movement but a comforting one. We all are a family and we feel each others pain and sorrow.

I moved my hand so it was on Ryan's which was on Lezzie's, Nick put his over mine and squeezed.

Nick pulled us all to a a flat grass area with high weeds and a beautiful sunrise. We all held close to each other and just rested.

* * *

Ryan and Nick were out hunting and me and Lezzie were in her closet going through her clothes.

Lezzie told me that after I ran after Edward everyone was quiet for a bit then Alice picked up the conversation. She talked about when we all sat at lunch and said that we all really should do something, although I don't think it would be appropriate for the guys now, Alice said that we should go a mall and shop for as long as possible.

I wasn't so keen on the idea at the moment. I still felt really raw about Edward and Nick. Lezzie was being really sweet and not nagging details, but every now and then I felt an urge to talk to her about it. She would talk with sympathy but still nonchalantly, just the way I like it.

"I think I want to update my wardrobe." Lezzie said looking at what apparently was an outdated shirt.

"You know that's the fifth opener you've used to start on the mall subject." I was laying down looking at the ceiling with my arms behind my head and my ankles crossed.

"I think it would be good to go. I mean they used to be your family." She tried to act innocent.

"Yeah, lots and lots of years ago. I don't know. I think they might be really mad at me, I mean I guess I just broke Edward's heart." My voice was, a little in between sad and bored.

"You really are cooling aren't you?" I didn't notice until I heard her so close, Lezzie was curled up with her hands under her chin and her head was right next to mine.

I pulled out from my overly calm personality and pulled her hands in mine and curled up my legs and faced her. Our eyes locked, she looked so concerned about me.

"I think so." I looked down. "I'm scared. I'm turning into this weak little girl again, I don't like it and I don't want it to happen." My voice dropped and broke.

Lezzie pulled her hands from mine and put her arms around me. She was being my big sister and my best friend at the same time. "Its okay Essy, there is nothing wrong with the way your acting. We will always love you babe, Me, Nick and Ryan. It doesn't matter if your cold and bitter or if you want to start frolicking through forest picking daises, it will always be who you are."

My arms were around her back and she was brushing my hair back.

"Essy you have never been one to act like someone your not. If you want to act more with emotions that would be you. You can't stop whats coming to you, you know that."

"Why does it have to be so painful though?"

I hard her sigh, it was small and sad, "Because its not always fair, and we have to learn from everything. It something to do with how we evolve as people and shit."

I let out a watery laugh and I knew she was smiling.

We stayed there in silence for a minute. "I kissed Edward." My voice wasn't monotone, just a clear type of blank.

"Oh Essy." She held me tighter.

"I love Nick, completely and entirely more than anyone or either of us could ever comprehend. That could never change. I don't want to care about Edward or feel anything for Edward. I didn't think I'd ever see Edward again. Why did I have to see Edward again?" I started rambling, talking to Lezzie and myself.

"I kissed him back, it was barely anything. But I kissed him back! I felt something, an impulse threw me, a serge, an electric shock- I don't know but I still did it! How could I have done that?! I don't want anything to do with Edward!" I was at a hysteric point and I couldn't stop shrieking.

Lezzie ran her hand through my hair and held me tighter and let me calm my breathing. "You don't love Edward or want anything to do with him." She didn't question, she knew how I felt. "And you love Nick and you would never leave him for Edward or anyone else. I think we've resolved everything Essy. You are who you are and you can't fight that. You would never go away from Nick to be with someone who broke your heart and you don't love."

"But I kissed him back." I said faintly and with fright.

"It must have been a knee jerk reaction, how your body used to respond. I think it might have just been really surprising." She spoke softly and with care.

"I really don't know how I would get through anything without you."I squeezed her arms.

"That's what friends and sisters are for." I turned around and gave her a massive hug.

"Thank you."

I felt better, understanding that thees were my feelings. I wasn't completely happy though. I was calm and I understood that I can't change whats going on with my emotions. I want so bad to just shove it away. I can't though. I just have to keep trying to work on who I truly am.

* * *

Me and Lezzie were in my closet and she was trying on my shoes.

"I'm so happy we wear the same size. Oh I love thees!" Lezzie ran to one of my pairs of boots I wore to seduce Nick, though it never took much to do that.

"You know I think you could use some more clothes too." Lezzie said looking thoughtfully at the boots in her hands.

When I didn't say anything she turned to look at me. My eyebrows were raised.

"What?" I said after we looked at each other for a few minutes.

"What?" She said back looking innocently confused.

"What?" I said angrily.

"Wha-?"

"Lezzie!" I yelled.

She flinched back, "Okay, okay. I might have made plans... for us to go shopping with Alice and Rosalie." She rushed the last part as fast as she could.

"What?!"

She narrowed her eyes then looked at me with hesitant eyes, like she was trying to defuse a bomb. "Well, I mean we did all say we would go to the mall at some point."

I groaned and slunk against the wall. "That was before the Edward thing!"

"I'm sorry! When you ran after him we were all quite for a few seconds then I think Alice had a vision. She said we would all be shopping together, not the guys, and I guess she didn't see what happened in the forest. Hey how did she see us at the mall? I mean your shield should have been up right?" I could tell she was curious but also wanted me not to zero in on the shopping.

"You could have mentioned the vision before! And I must have lost control and she must have been looking and she got something. I don't want to go shopping!" I groaned like a child.

"It wont be so bad." I just noticed that she still held the boots in her hands.

"You can put those down now."

She looked at the boots in her hands. "Oh yeah. Sorry." But she still didn't put them down.

I sighed, "Fine."

She grinned, "Thank you." Then she turned serious. "I really want to go. I want new clothes and I want to see the sights but I also want to meet your old family. You were there's before you were mine."

I looked over to her. "Lezzie, nothing could ever change you being with me now. I love you, I knew them before you but I haven't known them for years. You will always be my sister and my creator. We both get to meet them together okay?"

She nodded and lunged at me with a hug and we fell to the floor laughing.

When we calmed down I asked, "When are we going?"

"Thank you Essy!"

Lezzie insisted that we change our clothes and then call Alice and Rosalie.

When Lezzie said we were ready to go shopping Alice was inside the house tugging Rosalie along.

"Yay! Essy I'm gonna buy you the most amazing dresses! And...." Alice kept rambling and I let her but I have changed and I wasn't about to let her re-take charge of my wardrobe.

"Alice." I cut her off. She was grinning, I didn't really want to burst her bubble but I'm a much more independent person now. "I can pick out my own stuff now. Lezzie coached me. But still I know how to find what I like."

She pouted and looked at me with her heartbreaking eyes.

I covered my eyes with my hands and shook my head quickly. "I am immune to your guilt trips. Now move you're asses to my car."

"No!" Lezzie screamed.

I opened my mouth, about to ask what, and Lezzie scowled and I smiled with a smirk.

"Because you drive overly reckless for a vampire."

"Too bad!" I yelled as I ran to my truck.

I heard her groan and everyone followed me. I ran my hand along the side of my door then opened it and got in. "Come on! I wanna get this over with!"

Lezzie went to the front seat with me and Alice and Rosalie in the back.

Alice and Lezzie talked non-stop and I took smirking glances at Rosalie in the rearview mirror and she tried not to grin. When got to the mall Alice and Lezzie were running at human pace to the doors. I shook my head and Rosalie laughed and we followed after them.

When me and Rosalie finally caught up to them they already had three bags. Then we were dragged into several shops and Alice kept persisting me on a shirt and I stood my ground and told her no. Then she started to pout so I yanked her into a shoe store and I bought her the most incredible pair of heels and no one could shut her up for six more stores.

We had made the mall circuit twice. We were all bonding, mostly Alice and Lezzie and me and Rosalie. They had an incredible love of shopping and me and Rosalie loved watching.

Everything was going great until Alice dropped her bags and said. "The Volturi are coming. Soon. We have to go. Now."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed, I'm very sorry for the delay I had very big problems going on for me and its kinda sorted out I'm working on a story on the side I wont put it out till its finished though its angst and it will be short this story is coming to a very quick close I hadn't expected it to be so soon I didn't linger on the shopping because I'm in an angsty mood if anyone has suggestions to get me out of it let me know here are the poll results:**

**_I Loved Twilight But I Wish They Had Certain Scenes: _****_43 per._**

**_I Loved Twilight, And I Was Screaming And Laughing Allot: 25 per._**

**_I Loved Twilight And It Was Amazing, But There Were People Being Loud And I Wish I Could Sick James On Them: 18 per._**

**_Twilight Was Okay, In The Middle Of Good And Bad: 9 per._**

**_Twilight Utterly Bombed And Sucked: 3 per._**

**_I Didn't Like Twilight, And There Were People Being Loud And I Wish I Could Sick James On Them: 0 per._**

**I have a new poll up please vote on it I hope everyone will be getting Twilight soon I didn't like the movie very much but I will keep watching it over and over again to see if it worked I actually saw the bootleg at my cousin's house but I can't wait for the full Twilight New Moon started filming already which is my favorite obviously I will update as soon as I can, more to come.**


	17. Ending

**I am very very sorry for the extream wait on this and I'm sorry about what I'm gonna type next. I won't be continuing this story. I just don't feel any pull to continue it, the fire I felt for it has extinguished. I'm terrible sorry for all the bad grammar I used in the story and all the other things I know I messed up in this story. I am eternally grateful to all of you that read this and told me how much you enjoyed it, you kept me going when I was really low. I was never able to come up with how I wanted this to end but I will tell you what my direction for it was. Again I am terribly sorry.**

I was gonna throw in the Volturi battle with the vamps, or something along those lines. I would have some reason for them to be there, so reason for an all out brawl. I had two different senarios for the end of the fic, this is where I always had trouble. Either: Nick would die during the battle, Essy (Bella) would have seen him being lit on fire and she'd run to him but he would pull her into a vision. He would tell her goodbye and that she can keep living, she has the strength to go on and that he will always love her and be there with her. The vision would feel live forever, but really only last a few seconds. She would be completely heartbroken for the longest time, but then she'd realize all that he's given her and how he's helped her grow. I would leave it open if she and Edward got back together.

Another one was me having both Essy and Nick die. He would take them away peacefully together in a vision that played forever and ever, they would be happy in this world and know only peace and happiness. Lezzy and Ryan would of course mourn them for an incredibly long time but be able to accept their deaths and they'd be able to think of them happily. They wouldn't fully join the Cullens but visit them now and again. They would travel the world as nomads, playing with lifes, and leaving messy bedrooms in their wake.

I never figured out what would happen after the battle and I guess I never pegged on having someone not die. But the good thing about FanFiction and this story being uncompleted is that you can create your own ending.

**I'm very sorry if you didn't like how it ended, especially since you've been waiting so long for it. Also thank you all for the tons of support you've given me, with each review and alert. Again, I'm sorry for not continuing this story and I'm terribly grateful for all of you reading. Thank you.**


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